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fiery handIt all started last month. In response to the “International Burn a Koran Day” nonsense that loopy preacher tried to get going this last September 11, we tried to suggest a viable and more friendly alternative. Namely, “International Burn a Jay Day.” Far out, right?

Posting the idea on our Facebook page drew a great deal of goodwill from all over the world. And we don’t think it was only because it had a photo of a big-bosomed blonde woman smoking a huge spliff with marijuana leaf pasties covering her nipples.

Nay, we think that our campaign played some minor part in helping angry folks out there realize that they were spending too much time thinking about burning stuff which would not actually get them high. Plus, ashes tend to make a mess, just like Donnie’s did. And also, tolerance and sensitivity and rational thinking and all that.

burnajayThe result: Dudeism stepped in and helped save the day. International Burn a Koran Day was cancelled. Probably a lot of those fundamentalist types got so stoned that their enthusiasm for book burning abated.

Unfortunately, evil forces are at work in the world, and on October 8th our International Burn a Jay Day thread was shut down. We have reason to believe it’s all part of a massive conspiracy.

On that dark day, Facebook alterted us that we had broken their rules by posting content that promoted drug use and nudity and were forced to take down the thread. But of course, we find it impossible to believe that Facebook would care about an image in which the nipples were covered and only mere marijuana was being hinted at. After all, everyone knows that marijuana is a very healthy substance which is about to be almost legalized in California soon, the state in which Facebook is incorporated. It’s not like Facebook is censoring the fan page for the TV show Weeds, right?

weedsSo what’s really going on here?

Religious persecution, that’s what. No longer “the slowest growing religion in the world", Dudeism now has over 100,000 ordained Dudeist Priests worldwide. And that’s enough to raise the hackles of the religious fundamentalists who (we suspect) secretly supported and financed Reverend Terry Jones’ “Burn a Koran Day.”

How do we know?

Easy. The Dude said it himself: “It’s like Lenin said. You look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh, you know?”

Facebook doesn’t benefit by censoring us. Top heavy stoner chicks don’t benefit by being removed from cyberspace. And Islamic radicals certainly don’t give a flying fuck about International Burn a Jay Day (they’re partial to hashish themselves). The only people who stand to lose anything from the accelerating spread of Dudeism is the religious status quo, that’s who. Real reactionaries.

the-big-zuckerbergskiNot that we’re going to do anything about it for now. But we’re just saying (fingers pointed at our eyes, fingers pointed at theirs) – We’re watching you, paraquats. And we’ve got plenty of Visine.

Of course, we could be wrong. It might be that Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg is just a Dudeism-hater. After all, he doesn’t seem to be one of us. Maybe we should organize some peace talks, pass the pipe around.

What say you, Dudeocracy? Shall we dance with the devil in the pale dude light?

Then again, it’s probably the holy fascists. Facebook may be the de-facto new world religion, but it’s surely not as bad as the old ones.


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8 Responses to “Controlled Dudemolition: The Facebook Conspiracy Against Dudeism”

  1. mentat1973 on October 8th, 2010 7:33 am

    I lost my train of thought after seeing the hoochie momma with cannabis leaves covering her nips. Say, can some righteous dude email me a larger version of that jpeg? It’d make a perfect wallpaper pic — ya know, it’d really tie the ole desktop together…

  2. Rev. Ed C on October 8th, 2010 9:36 am

    I’ve already said a lot on this subject, but I think my biggest realisation over the issue was just now when I was doing my facebook games for the afternoon and was playing Pot Farm. I guess it’s ok to promote drug use when you’re getting paid. If only we were amoral capitalists we could bung Facebook some baksheesh.

    Make Tea not War, but Jays not Qu’rans!

  3. Dudeist Master Sigh on October 8th, 2010 9:40 am

    hey, fuck it man. its face book. i didnt care for burn a jay day anyway i do that everyday. and if there is one day to do it its 4/20. but i dont bother with the news enough to have known about the whole koran burning thing so it didnt make a whole lotta sense to me. but im wondering if your thinking of this case has gotten too uptight. it seems it was over the facebook line. at least till weed is legal in california. Dudes this whole thing seems like it would be a very complicated case, lotsa ins lotsa outs. so just say “fuck it” and go bowling. and if this aggression still will not stand, then there is something you can do. (at least for us californian dudes) vote yes on 19

  4. Cakebelly on October 8th, 2010 10:55 am

    Have responded to this on the Forum (General Discussions: “Controlled Dudemolition”).

  5. Doctor Joe on October 8th, 2010 4:43 pm

    Could the poster girl really be Maude after toking some really strong stuff she got from the Seattle 7 when they were proofreading the Port Huron Statement?

  6. Rev C. Hardy on October 9th, 2010 3:17 am

    Man I aint dancing with no devil under no pale moonlight. As err…someone said “dance with the devil and you get your toenails clipped”…at least i think thats what it was…or maybe not. What was the question again?…Oh yeah…nice breasts man, or woman, if you aint into the whole…err….gender thing. What was i doing before I started writing this? Why am I writing this? Ahh feck it, going for a nap.

  7. Cool Breeze on October 13th, 2010 4:57 pm

    Thats f*cking interesting man. I no longer have a facebook profile, wasn’t really into the whole social network thing myself. When I did use facebook I have seen many pot promoting posts including a picture of myself burning a j. Was my pic removed, were any other posts removed? Hell no. So why go after Dudeism? Well, Dude we just dont know. What we can be sure of is that 100,000 strong might just make the establisment (whoever that may be) a little nervous.

  8. Rev Fuzz on December 27th, 2010 7:19 am

    Ah facebook, once again censoring the minorities, Dudes unite.

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