The New Year’s Revolution

by Lone Dude

OK, it’s that time of year where everyone asks "What’s your new year’s resolution?"

Despite being kind of a rude thing to ask, why should we even have one? Why should we make an effort to change what has already become comfortable to us? With this financial beach bonfire going on around us I see some of us feeling worried that our easygoing attitudes might be in danger.

This is my little pep talk because I think some of you may need it. There is no reason — there is no fucking reason — we should have to change our lifestyle and suffer because The Man can’t balance a checkbook.

This year, instead of making a resolution, in the midst of this economic crisis I propose making a new year’s revolution.

1. First, lets take a page out of Walter’s book. "What’s mine is mine" he says when the Nihilists demand money from him. Now, let’s not just give into the demands of marketing executives and spend our hard earned money on shit we don’t need. Instead, let’s just buy exactly what we require to be comfortable. I’m talking about the basics here. If you can manage to save up some cash, it’s important to hold on to it.

2. Secondly, we will ABIDE. That means drawing a line in the sand. You will not hide in a corner — you will make it through this crisis. You will be a resilient pillar of slackerdom in this rising tide of economic turmoil. I’m talking about a grassroots effort here. You can’t be worried about all this bailout psych-out stuff. Be concerned about your finances and make priorities.

3. Third: look where your money goes. It’s like Lenin said, "You look for the person who will benefit." Is you money going to The Man? Stop giving him your money. For instance, you can buy your groceries locally and usually cheaper and healthier if you look around some. Show those fucks in the corner offices you don’t need their shit. You don’t want them to bring you dead flour.

4. Fourthly, maintain your inner dude. If you are worried about all this new shit that has come to light, fuck it. All this negative energy will drag you down, perhaps causing you to lose sight of the big picture that you will make it through. Life goes on. But it won’t if you get stressed out and have a heart attack in the parking lot.

5. Fifth: Don’t be fatuous. It is more important than ever right now to keep and maintain a budget. Know where your money is and how much you have. The only one who controls your world is you. Get down to cases.

I speak as a person who has had cars repossessed, defaulted on credit card bills and worse. But I made it through and you can too. It was a tough road, but looking back perhaps it was good that those things happened to me. It really simplified my life and forced me to get rid of things I didn’t realize that I didn’t need. Then I had time to focus on the best things in life, which are free. It’s like Lennon said.

Our revolution isn’t over; it’s just beginning. Of course we may need to make some minor changes to the way we once were. I was on Craigslist today and saw lots of opportunities to make a little extra cash, even some that won’t get you arrested.

Essentially what I’m saying is that nothing is fucked here. The plane has not crashed into the mountain. There never was any fucking mountain.