By Rev. Bradley Greybeard
…you watch The Big Lebowski religiously…
…instead of meditating full lotus on a zafu and zabuton, you much prefer to stretch out on a rug, or in a recliner or bathtub…
…you see traits of your friends and coworkers in certain Lebowski villains but, instead of ditching them, it merely causes you to reflect on your shared character flaws, and to develop an even deeper empathy towards them. C’mon people now, you smile on your brother…even if he is a goddamn moron…
…abiding comes naturally to you…
…you’ve been ordained by the Dudely Lama…
…people think you’re joking when they ask what religion you are…
…your beautifully simplistic plan to pioneer a Lebowski fucking amateur fanporn trend resulted in an instant viral comedy sensation but, unfortunately, no known copycat pornographers…
…you’ve burned your own soundtrack to the Film, except yours is complete with the Creedence and all the other unrepresented songs in chronological order…
…even though you’ve legally performed weddings, bar mitzvahs, toilet baptisms, etc, you still get a kick out of seeing “Reverend” before your name. Far fucking out!…
…you often return movie rentals late and unwatched because you were too busy watching TBL for the eighty-seventh time…
……you celebrate the ninth of every month by reminding your fellow dudes what the next day will already be…
…you’re so perfectly calm that you make other Type B personalities look uptight…
…you take comfort in whatever endorphins you can get, and reveling in your post-mictural afterglow is part of your natural drug regimen…
…you lament that the part about the Dude being heir to the Rubik’s Cube fortune was left out of the final version of the screenplay…
…you dabble in pacifism. You may even be fragile, man, very fragile…
…you are still waiting for Asia Carrera to make Logjammin’2 and you think it’s a bummer that she isn’t doing the Lebowskifest circuit…
…you prefer 10 pin bowling, even if you live (as I do) in a country where the whole world has gone crazy and only rolls 5 pin. You don’t take 10 pin lanes for granted…
…you view your robe as a sacred vestment and are much more likely than the undude to leave it on when you have company…
…you read the Dudespaper compulsively and with joy…
…you’ve never taken a pomeranian bowling, and, if your ex asked you to, you’d tell her to go fuck herself…
You’re throwing rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude.
Nice.
Sweet article dude.
I wouldn’t really call these “articles”, but thanks, man!
I’ve got a bunch of real articles in the works but I haven’t finished one in ages…what can I say? It’s been a lazy year. I’m too dudeist for my blog (so dudeist it hurts)
That didn’t suck.
Thanks!
True Story:I went to a restaurant with friends a few nights ago. This restaurant (the Melting Pot) was new to me—and a little noisy—and someone asked, “Have you fondued before?” “Yes,” I answered. “I found Dude. In fact I’m a Dudeist Priest.” After a brief Abbot and Costello ‘who’s on first?’ interpretive dialogue, I was able to explin why and how I went from being a devout atheist to walking in the Dude’s footsteps. IN that brief back and forth I was able to boil it down to: Dudeism isn’t the answer for everyone, but it’s a path I’m committed to.
Nice boilage IowaDude.
Abide!
That’s hilarious, IowaDude. “Have you found Dude?” We should make a tee shirt about that with a big fondue bucket or whatever they call it, and the dude dipping a big spliff into it or something.
It was a fun conversation, for sure, Dudely Lama. It was also easier than I thought it would be to discuss general Dudeism with my non-Dudeist compeers. Fondue is a lot like smoking a Hookah: you have your own utensil, you share the same bowl, you sit in a circle to chat and partake.