Dsalm 23 (King Jeff Version)
Revealed by Rev. Bradley Greybeard
1. The DUDE is my shepherd; I shall abide.
2. He maketh me to lie down on Persian rugs: He leadeth me into the still bubblebath waters.
3. He restoreth my stash: He leadeth me in the paths of dudeliness for his self-applied name’s sake.
4. Yea, though I walk through the Simi Valley of the shadow of Nihilism, I will fear no fucking Fascism: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy johnson they comfort Our Special Lady.
5. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of cleft assholes: Thou anointest my head in the toilet; careful, man! My beverage runneth over. Does this place look like I’m fucking married?
6. Surely limberness and a strict drug regimen shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the bungalow of the DUDE for ever.
Fuckin’A, man.
The Jesus (Original) Version
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1The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
Fucking A man, and fucking funny. Really good article.
This and the Dudes Prayer worry me a little because I can see a trend towards deifying the Dude. I’m more for the Zen axiom “If you see the Dude on the road kill him” (“if you see the Buddha on the road kill him”).
Not from any disrespect to the Dude, just I feel his message is about making your own path, if we start making him into a god then we risk moving away from taking responsibility for ourselves, and what we do in our lives. Sorry one of the worse aspects (all in my opinion of course) of christianity is the “Oh god wills it!” aspect that takes the blame out of the hands of the faithful.
As I said this is of course all just my opinion.
Yeah, I see your point Meekon. Well taken. But I think it’s clear that it’s a bit of a parody and that the Dude “leads” by example, not by force. I think this Dsalm is more about the idea of Dudeness providing solace in tough times and the character of the Dude representing the ideal of abiding in the face of adversity. I don’t think it really deifies him.
Like His Dudliness said, there isn’t a literal connection, dude. It’s just a paraphrase in the parlance of our church’s nomenclature. I’m certainly not espousing any sort of theistic revisionism. Far from it, dude.
Or course some people will take their veneration too far and and become Dude-worshiping heretics…but that’s cool. That’s cool. They’ve gotta feed the monkey-shaped hole in the hearts. I mean, uh…hasn’t that ever occurred to you, man? Sir?
Yeh, I was a born again christian for about three months (when I was a lot younger and more innocent), but I got better though.
I do tend to get wrapped up in the nomenclature too much (see previous rant on evangelism).
It’s a combination of being dyslexic, which makes any language the equivalent of a foreign language to me, and having studied post modernism, and existentialism, that rely (in some interpretations) very heavily on the way language and nomenclature is used and applied, and don’t get me started on the Freud and Jung.
I do appreciate the humour (that’s why I see myself as a Duedist, Erisian, Zen, Toaist, Pagan synthesis). Having spent a while espousing christian platitudes and not really actually feeling them I just got into a little panic about what direction the religion was going in.
:-)
I’m not sure I agree with your Dudework there, Dude, for number 4, I am thinking thy rod and thy johnson may comfort The Dude. As in, jerking off manually.
Other than that, LOVE IT.
While we may all still jerk off manually, onanism is one of those things (like parking in handicap zones or being a chronic) that is neither discouraged nor encouraged by the church.
Are you suggested that, even though it wasn’t about fun and games, Maude wasn’t comforted by the Dude’s rod? She likes it too
Also, that whole literal connection thing, man… Just as the Dude’s rod comforts Maude almighty, so does her strong vagina comfort the Dude. That’s the way the whole durn human romantic comedy perpetuates itself. But I think this should be read as a yin yang thing, not a physical genitalia reference.
Still, what about appending that one to read:
“thy rod and thy johnson they comfort Our Special Lady, when not being jerked off manually.”
or
“thy rod and thy johnson they comfort Our Special Lady. That and a pair of testicles.”
Votes?
or
thy rod and thy johnson they comfort the strong vagina of Our Special Lady.
or “Thy rod and thy johnson are still jerked off manually, and give comfort to Our Special Lady.”
My biased vote is that is it flows fine as is, even though that part already has twice as many syllables as the King James does. Any more and the cadence will be all fucked up.
Besides, the strength of Her commendable vagina not the issue here. Am I wrong?
I vote for this one: “thy rod and thy johnson they comfort Our Special Lady. That and a pair of testicles.”
Btw they should comfort also Lady Friends.