I Can Get You a Tao

by Rev. Ryan Hatfield

The Universe wants us to take ‘er easy. Animals, plants, rocks, they all just do their thing, man. They don’t ask for reasons, they don’t need material goods to give their lives meaning. They just are. They have an inherently Dudeist nature.

But what of humanity? Are we not greedy, violent, envious, and power hungry creatures, wandering the earth looking for the next "fix?" Far from it dude. What is man’s true nature? Well, how do you act when you don’t have to feed the monkey, when you have no priorities and nothing to worry about? Friendship, Love, Laughter, Relaxation, Contemplation, Recreation, and the occasional acid flashback; these are all man’s true nature. Parts, anyway.

Those moments when we act according to our true nature, are the fondest moments we recall, indeed it is these moments we life for: the cherished day off, the excellent party, spending quality time we loved ones. It is when we engage in un-dude like behavior or our thinking becomes too uptight, when we deviate from our nature, that’s when the bad shit happens. In those moments you’re creating conflict, you’re going against the current. And you cannot go against the current of creation dude, because it is the current of You. Your thoughts, the very essence of the universe, help to create the "reality" that you and the people around you perceive. If you think the world is out to get you, as Brant as my witness, it will be out to get you.

The best of man is like water,
Which benefits all things, and does not contend with them,
Which flows in places that others disdain,
Where it holds fast to Tao.

The universe itself is very dude. It just gives what you put back, just to a larger degree. You piss on its rug, you’re entering a World of Pain. You pass it the ringer, and you’re sitting on a million dollars. The Universe is a powerful ally indeed.

So how to keep to our true nature, in the madness of the modern world? Look to the Dude. He embodies the inherent Dudeist vibe of the universe. But how do we know vibes are there? Are we going to split hairs here? If you open up you can feel them. You’re being hit by them all the time, just most people aren’t aware of them. Next time someone is being extremely Dudeist, notice how that person’s actions and presence affect you, the same for someone being extremely un-dude. The vibes can change your mood, your attitude, even your health. By sending out our Dudeist vibes, we benefit and help all those around us.

And this is where the Dude points the way. Everything works out for the Dude, because he is true to his nature, the very nature of the Universe because he is one with that Universe. He Takes It Easy because that is the way of the Universe. He gets the fuck out of the car and lets the Universe drive, because it knows all possible shit that could be brought to light and acts accordingly. He lets the world work for him. His car was stolen, but he took it easy, and sure enough it was found. Walter violated a number of league bylaws, the Dude did nothing. They moved on to the next round robin.

The sage controls without authority,
And teaches without words;
He lets all things rise and fall,
Nurtures, but does not interfere,
Gives without demanding,
And is content.

Yes, that is some kind of eastern thing. And just as we know those who exude Dudeness and the benefits of their presence, we know those who are very Undude. Every plane around them crashes into the mountain. Why? ‘Cause their going against the very Dude Vibe of the Universe, going against man’s nature. You’re rolling out naked when the universe wants to pass you the Uzi.

A wiser fella than myself once said:

If no action is taken
Then all live in peace.

What I’m blathering about is that Dudeism may not have street preachers, nor evangelists passing out fliers, but we have something greater: Disciples who spread the Dudeist vibe to the world (after all, we’re all connected man), and are willing to live according to what’s right by the Universe, whatever the cost. We take it easy for all the sinners in the world, for all the children who wander into the movie without any frame of reference. Guess that ’bout wraps it up here:

Empty the Self completely;
Embrace perfect peace.
The World will rise and move;
Watch it return to rest.
All the flourishing things
Will return to their source.

This return is peaceful;
It is the way of Nature,
An eternal decay and renewal.
Understanding this brings enlightenment,
Ignorance of this brings misery.

Am I wrong?

*Note: for those not privy to the old shit, all the quotes above are from The Tao te Ching by the Chinese sage Lao Tzu.