By Rev. John Jansson
So — I went to buy a couple of beers at a liquor store. I took a number and waited. There was like thirty people in line, but I really needed a beer after a hard day of work to pay my Marty for the rent. In Sweden, buying beer can be hard work as well.
When it finally was my turn, I walked over to the counter and told the clerk what I wanted. She looked at me and pushed a few buttons on her computer and said in a very aggressive tone that they were out of that brand. After waiting so long, my answer to this was "Oh fuck." She looked at me like I had just told her I’d kidnapped her wife and demanded ransom. She said "Do you have to use so many cuss words?" or something like that, but in a very unpleasant way.
Regaining my inner dude, I told her "sorry" and tried to get on her good side by asking if she could recommend a similar beer. From the look on her face, I had just asked her to park my car and clean my house. She told the name of another beer, but I knew that was something she chose at random because it wasn’t in any way similar to the one I wanted. I shrugged, said okay, paid, and got out.
In Sweden, buying beer is like going to the pharmacy — it can really bust your friggin’ aggets.
Now, if you’re standing in a store, just selling stuff, like beer in this case, just how hard can it be to act nice? I wanted to tell her that she was being very undude but I didn’t. She wouldn’t get it anyway. Maybe if she listened occasionally she might learn something. But then, I think she probably wasn’t really into learning new things anyway.
So exactly how should you act towards the undude people you meet every day in liquor stores, tobacco shops, supermarkets, on the street or at your job? Getting mad isn’t an option — that’s not the Dudeist way, is it? I was nice to the clerk even though she didn?t deserve it. Was I wrong? No — If I’m nice to someone who is rude to me that puts them in a weird position: they start to think why I?m 
being so nice, and then they think so hard about it that they forget to be rude. This actually works, like a Swiss fucking watch. You know me, I can’t complain.
It’s not easy to learn to be nice to these kind of people, but it gets easier the more you do it. Lao Tzu once said, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Dudeward, the wagons.
But hey, sometimes people are such assholes that there’s no point in even being nice to them at all because they privately enjoy being a dick. In that case, you just do what the Dude does when the Big Lebowski gives him a mean, condescending lecture about his life. In that case, just say "Fuck it," get up, and leave. But of course, remember, that shouldn’t be your answer to everything. Don’t go get it tattooed on your forehead.
Take it easy and foga er fellow dudes.
Personally, I sometimes have to just take a step back, put on my proverbial dude-shades and just go with the flow. Let people spout off. Just like you said, getting a little worked up usually doesn’t help things.
Reminds me of this passive-aggressive bible verse: “Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head”-Romans 12:20
The Dudeism Store should sell “Fuck It” Forehead Temporary Tattoos
You should really give some context when quoting a verse from the Bible…but that’s just like, my opinion, man.
The context of the verse is Paul encouraging the Christians in Rome to be nice to people even if they’re being assholes to them. Much like the Rev John’s advice to all of us in the Dudeist Diaspora
Irish Monk, I understood the scriptural reference. Like my Momma always said, “Kill then with kindness”. It’s difficult for most people to be hateful to you when you’re being nice to them. Just take it easy, man.
But that’s just my opinion.
Oh yeah, that was a Forest Gump, “Momma always said” thing, but I think Gump was quite a Dude himself.
Waiting in line to buy beer! thats a bummer man! Just a thought maybe you can try home brew if its that hard to get beer. It really isn’t alot of hard work.
Great advise, its hard sometimes but I try to keep it dude. Glad I’m not the only one. Hows the lutefisk?
you dont even want to know about the fish dude. hmm homebrewing you say, im gonna think about that, thanks for the tip.
Hey, Swedish Jeff!
D’you have a facebook account or something like that? I’m also swedish.
Jag är också svensk :D
actually i just got facebook, like 2 minutes ago, man. get in touch, i thought i was the only swede here. kul som fan!
Look my name up on Facebook. I’m already Swedish Jeff’s friend…I’d dig having other Dudesits join my virtual posse.
Hey man, Yeah, I agree, home brewing is the way to go – must be able to buy the supplies over the internet – you can do a line of Swedish Jeff Beers – like ‘Dude Lager’ or ‘Take er Easy Ale’
You certainly did well Swede, it’s the way to go.
In my time temping and covering receptions you certainly do encounter a disproportionate amount of undudes over the phone. Never once have I lost my patience or, Dude forbid, my temper with a single one of them, no matter how steamy they get themselves. Some people call it professionalism on my part, I guess we’d all call it being Dude.
This goes either one of two ways: 1) They calm down when they see you’re just a nice dude trying to help, and you can, 2) They go off the deep end and hit the mountain, also known as hanging up. In this second case I always hope they realise the value of being dude once the reactionary in them has had time to cool.
ugh…systembolaget! wheres the pripps? :D