Dear Dudely recently received a very inspiring letter by a wiser feller than us. We’re pleased to share it with you. If anyone has a dude frame of reference when it comes to dying face down in the muck, this compadre of ours sure does.
Though this is normally an advice column, in this case the advice is coming from the dude writing in. That advice? Just like that feller in Spinal Tap said: “Have a good time, all of the time.” Even when that time’s up. Enjoy!
Hello, there Dudeness,
Some new things have come to light, Man, and, instead of, you know, running around, you might want to share this with our fellow Dudes.
As an OLD Dude, approaching that time in life where the thought of, well, not being around much longer, I am making plans. My son thinks I am nuts, but, well, yeah. Naturally, I plan on being cremated, as anyone concerned about land use would want to consider. The problem is, finding the large Folgers coffee can. They don’t make those any more; everything is plastic, Man, you know? HOWEVER, a friend’s mother passed away recently and she was a lady that never threw out anything. When my friend went to retrieve whatever was left in the house, she discovered….that’s right, a LARGE Folgers coffee can. So, knowing my plans, she brought the can back for me. Now, that’s a friend! Various bars in my neighborhood will be given the honor of displaying the can for periods of 6 months each. The can cannot have any identification on it, just the can. That way, old Donnie (my real name IS Donald) will be honored for a long time.
All of us Dudes out here would like to go out that way. Death does not have to be some old dreary, humorless, or dark mess. That’s not the way I lived my life, Man….you know? I have been retired for 15 years, but I still carry around a leather case with stuff. When some nosy asshole asks, "Whacha got in da bag, Man?", I always say, "Papers. Papers. Business papers, you know." And they invariably follow with, "What do you DO, Man?" With just the right pause, I reply, "I’m uh, unemployed…"
I will abide.
For world-wide Dudeness,
DONALD WAITS (Mad Dog)
New Orleans, LA