By Rev. Dennis Gillman
How can society produce more Dudes and why do we need more of them?
Unfortunately, dudes have rarely been recognized as a needed ingredient in the great big In-N-Out burger of life. Too often they go unrecognized for the visionaries they are. Instead, they’re often regarded as losers — you know, deadbeats, people the square community don’t give a shit about.
Our schools are specifically structured to produce efficient workers. Even so-called “special schools” which claim to find the hidden potential and secret gifts of our children really just exist so that oddballs can become high wage earners too. Dudes see through this at an early age and learn how to get through it without destroying their uniqueness in the process.
Instead of seeing them as losers, society could learn from its dudes. Unlike most people, great dudes somehow survive being ground down by 
the system. They skillfully manage to stand strong against a society that has no use for them, that in fact tries everything it can in order to destroy them. How do they survive sixteen years of schooling and still keep their unique individuality? Like a salmon constantly swimming upstream with everything against them, dudes have the wherewithal to constantly remain themselves. It’s a miracle that even one of them survives the journey.
So how can we teach this dudeness to our children” — assuming, of course, we actually want to produce individuals who can think for themselves and be happy, but might not get bumped up into a higher tax bracket. One can’t produce a dude the way you can a robot or a clone: There are too many unknown qualities that make them so human and unique. Choosing to go against the common flow and follow their own path takes character, and a person’s character is the ultimate achievement in life — not money or position. 
What constitutes a person is not the crap they surround themselves with — not even their grades and achievements, because these are often merely a product of fulfilling the expectations of others. What constitutes a person is far more simple: their everyday acts and decisions. A dude is an expert of the everyday.
They have special schools to help kids who are gifted in music, math, art and even being mentally handicapped. What about a Dude School? It’s a nice idea, but the problem is this: if they had special schools for it then there would be nothing for them to stand outside of, to rebel against. The Dudeist rite of passage is to go through the school system and find the inner strength to keep one’s uniqueness intact. Like a caterpillar going into a cocoon and struggling — if you help it out, you kill it. But if it survives it becomes a butterfly, or what-have-you.
According to Zen Buddhism, what we learn as “the way” is only a finger pointing the way. And it’s a finger with bullshit stuck to it. To see past the bullshit can’t be taught, because then it only becomes a variety of bullshit itself.
So, if not a school, is there anything that can help proto-dudes survive all that shitty finger pointing?
The firm foundation of knowing that you’re accepted somewhere sure can help. Lebowski seems to know he’s loveable, which is why he doesn’t need the approval of others. That allows him to be invulnerable to their attacks and insults and demands that he “get a job, sir” or not “be fatuous” or “stay out of my beach community.” He has good friends, admirable hobbies (bowling, driving around, the occasional acid flashback) and a room that is well tied-together. Presumably, he had similar things when he was a little Lebowski as well.
A Dudeist development program would try to make sure that latent little Lebowskis everywhere start off with those fundamental necessities. Those little brats would then have the necessary means for a truly higher education. And proud we’d be of all of them.
Dennis Gillman is a Dudeist palm reader based in Chiang Mai, Thailand. For more information or to schedule a reading, please visit www.palmism.com.
You raise some interesting questions, Reverend Gillman.
I think people are born either dude or undude. A small percent might be ambiduderous and may, depending on social cues, present as either, but I think for the most part it’s hereditary. Dudeist geneticists need to get to work on finding the Dude gene…or maybe non-dudeist scientists should, they’re probably quicker.
I think ‘unschooling’ would be the best way to go for little Dudes. Schools (even expensive, private Dudeist academies) are inherently undude, and homeschooling is more likely to produce an overachiever than a dude. Maybe letting the kid choose his curriculum and go at his own pace and schedule would be closer to the Way.
But with unschooling (which is essentially just student-led homeschooling), there is still a danger of creating a socially-inept, overachieving, homeschooler.
It all depends on the individual kid’s temperment. But that’s just, like, my opinion, man.
As Great Dude Mark Twain once said: Don’t let school interfere with your education, or dude-ducation, in the parlance of our mythos.
It’s just, like, my opinion man, but I don’t think Dudism’s hereditary. Some pretty cool people have children that are a bunch of assholes, and vise-versa.
I reckon It’s a dash o’ genes, a handful of upbringing and a heavy dose of chaos theory. That and some Kaluha, some Credence and what-have-you.
Wow, lost my train of thought there.
What I mean is, I think the takin’ her easy gene is something we all have, until the square community get our thinking all uptight.
Love the butterfly metaphor in the article by the way. Far out.
I am a victim of 12 years of private school, I don’t remember much of it though. I occupied various offices of authority figures, and daydreamed mostly. Most of the time I was made to feel not worthy by my peers and the faculty. It was a long tormentuous time. They tried to keep me segregated and make and example of me because I questioned their authority, creationism, religion. All the while my schmuck parents paid large amounts of money for it because they were brain washed into thinking it was the best thing for me.
That said in the course of all that there were some teachers who realized who I really was eventhought I didn’t yet. A few patcholi scented faculty that probably were dudes and helped usher me through without giving them selves away to the square community.
I’m rambling here but my point is I subscribe to the catterpillar theory.
First of all, those shoes are the coolest shit ever. Secondly, this is one of the most inspiring articles I have ever read. To be a dude is a full time job, what with dealing with the put downs, and the overall task of avoiding toilers and downers. It takes a certain type of person to be able to put up with 18+ years of being called a loser, deadbeat, etc. and still see the value in their lifestyle. That makes guys like The Dude, Spicoli, Vonegut, Bukowski, etc so original and fascinating, that they stick to their guns when the world is against them. Especially when they keep a good attitude and positive outlook about them! We dudes may not have a lot to show for our lifestyle, but isn’t that the point?
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