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Section: Sermons From the Sofa | Date: October 31st, 2008
By The Dudely Lama
For this very first Sermon from the Sofa, I’m going to pay homage to that thing which makes it all possible: the Sofa itself.
Certainly if there’s one thing that sets civilized man apart from his primitive ancestors, it’s furniture. Forget about the wheel and fire and birth control and all that — modern man’s room is always well-tied together with various home furnishings. Even the sloppiest crackhead has a chair, and most likely some sort of shelving. Otherwise the crack gets lost in the carpet!
But why is furniture so important? Furniture exists so that our lives will be more comfortable. Or, at least, that’s why it should exist. Too many people buy hard, fashionable furniture that feels awful because they think it will impress their dinner guests. Really want to impress them? Set up a circle of Barcalounger recliners and serve dinner on bed table trays. Guess who’s coming to dinner? Total relaxation, that’s who.
As evinced in The Big Lebowski, there’s no chair more comfortable or conducive to peace of mind (especially when the police are over) than a nice, big recliner. The La-Z-Boy, the Barcalounger, or just a regular stuffed chair that’s been expertly broken — these are the celestial thrones of Dudeist kings and saints. Nevertheless, the problem with recliners is that (unless you’ve got a special friend who?s not too chubby) only one person can sit in it at a time. And a good Dudeist is not antisocial. Far from it.
That’s why, in addition to a recliner, the ideal Dude has a nice, soft sofa from which to conduct business, woo special friends, or lay on their belly (not so easy in a recliner). The ideal sofa is a sectional one, which is in many ways the perfect form of furniture ever invented: part couch, part chair, part bed and all awesome. In fact, I’m typing this sermon from a special variety of sectional sofa: the L-Shaped sectional. It’s not quite as calm-inducing as a full sectional (there’s room for a coffee table, from which coffee is often enjoyed), but pretty fucking cool nonetheless. In the words of Ferris Bueller: I highly recommend it. It is so choice.
So then, one of the fundamentals of Dudeism is to have a good sofa upon which to install your fundament, and those of your friends. Funkmaster George Clinton once said this: “Free your mind, and your ass will follow.” To this we add the corollary: “Calm your ass, and your mind will follow.” After all, “taking it easy” is much easier when you’ve got somewhere easy to take it.
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http://growabrain.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/05/07/chair_tattoo.jpg
A real Dudeist!
why can’t everybody get friendly tattoos like that? the world would be a better place.
Fucking A!
My sofa is my temple man, great article!
There are few things worse than having to deal with a crappy sofa.
While not absolutely necessary for “the room” it’s also nice to have a loveseat..
Everyone needs a place to throw stuff.
It’s funny how inanimate objects can hold so much power in our daily lives. Not to say that this is an uncool thing.. it most certainly is.
You eat there. You sleep there. Every now and again smoke there. You watch your favorite sport, movie, whatever on the television from there.
Yet we pay very little attention to it. It’s taken for granted as one of the very few sanctuaries we’ve got, man.
Not being too forward, but I really think everybody should go and hug our couches today.. not to creep anyone out or sound too much like a hippie, but the mood strikes me.
“Guess who?s coming to dinner? Total relaxation, that?s who.”
HA HA HA!!! As my sister, Android, and I used to say, “Squealing at the prospect of comfort!!!”
Everybody’s gotta have a place to crash. And you’ll always know where to look for some loose change.
The sofa summons me, I shall not wait.
It beckons me to to lie down on its soft cushions and take a nap, It’s softness relaxes my weary bonez.Sadly I know that I must wake, but I will have no fear for I know that my soft and comfy sofa iz near. My coffee table is in front of me loaded with goodies a six pack 2 bags of chips and three kinds of dips,Surely my wife will share my delight and dwell on the sofa with me all the daze of our lives..
many good times at the sofa
You’re right, comfort is king… so long as it ties the room together!
i don’t have a sofa . . . i wish i did . . .
sofa king in need of sofa
We Canadian Dudeist are all aboot takin’ it easy on our chesterfields in our housecoats, eh?