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The Gingrinch Who Stole Christmas

Section: The Editorial We  | Date: December 8th, 2011

how-the-gingrich-stole-xmas An Open Rant to Mr. Screwt Gingrinch (The Scrooge-Grinch) by Rev. Mark Mac

Come on man, I’m not trying to scam anyone here…I’m just a…let me explain something to you Mr. Newt Gingrich (a.k.a. the “Scrooge-Grinch”). Your comment that those in The Occupy Wall Street Movement need to “go get a job, right after you take a bath”…well man, that’s just like your opinion, and ah…fuck it. That expression will not stand!

Did it ever occur to you sir that you’re the scumbag, paraquat, and goldbricker that’s a fake if ever I saw one…Taking 1.8 million from the corrupt Freddie Mac while micturating on the rugs of others is clearly a plot throw everyone off the case…it’s all a goddamn fake…It’s like Lenin said, look for the person who will benefit

Just because we are bereaved about our fellow 99%ers that were gunned down with pepper spray doesn’t make us sapsNo, I do mind…the Dude minds…this will not stand you know…this aggression will not stand, man

time-gingrich-scrooge And you think you have what it takes to be in charge of the free world?…What is this bullshit, man? I don’t fucking care! But you’re not fooling me! You might fool the tea party and the square community, but you won’t fool the Jesus! It’s bush league psych-out stuff! Laughable, man!”

Now Mr. Screwt Gingrinch, you’re being verrrrry undude in your contempt for the Working Class, Teachers, Blue Collar Workers, and the rest of us 99%ers of this country. Do you think I could get some that action with those credit swaps sold by AIG on those fraudulent government backed mortgage securities backed by your buddies at Freddie Mac and that your 1% buddies on Wall Street and the Banks sold to Freddie Mac and the rest of the saps out there? It’s uh… uh… it’s down there somewhere, let me take another look…So that’s why you guys hope your cronies in congress keep propping up and giving AIG money…That’s fucking ingenious, if I understand it correctly. That’s a Swiss fucking watch…Got to keep the bookie afloat so you can come up with more clever scams…Far out.

newtgrinch-screen Oh you’re not wrong Gingrinch, you’re just an asshole…But it’s truly a bummer for the rest of us, the 99%, who the 1% community don’t give a shit about…we get left holding the ringer…I hear you now…“GET A JOB…TAKE A BATH”…And that’s exactly what we did: took a bath in your bad bets, Mr. Gingrinch, which happened to slow the whole world’s career lately. And now you add insult to injury by throwing marmots in our tub while we try to wash off the dirt of your muck we’ve fallen face down in!

Watching you I’m reminded of what well could be considered your unauthorized biographies: The Grinch That Stole Christmas and A Christmas Carol.

Newt-Scrooge-smA Scroogey fellow like yourself once said:

Are there no prisons?…And the union workhouses – are they still in operation? Oh, from what you said at first I was afraid that something had happened to stop them in their useful course. I’m very glad to hear it.

[Ebenezer Scrooge, from A Christmas Carol
by Charles Dickens]

And of your Grinchy compeer it was said:

You’re a monster, Mr. Grinch, Your heart’s an empty hole, Your brain is full of spiders, you have garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch, I wouldn’t touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!

…You’re a foul one, Mr. Grinch, You’re a nasty wasty skunk, Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Grinch, The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote, "Stink, stank, stunk"!

[From The Grinch Who Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss]

newt scrooge gingrich This in mind, perhaps it’s you who should take a bath and get an honest job, sir. I rest my business papers. What’s left of them, anyway. You know it’s been fucking stolen!

So, in wrappin’ er up, please Mr. Screwt Gingrinch…go back to your lair and leave us the fuck alone!

Okay, time for that bath you recommended. Mind if I burn a jay?

Yours Truly,

Rev. Mark Mac

P.S. This is not just my opinion man. Enjoy these videos.


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6 Responses to “The Gingrinch Who Stole Christmas”

  1. Rev. CraigB on December 9th, 2011 1:14 am

    Is there anyone I could vote for this election? I haven’t seen anyone worthwhile yet. I’m tempted to write-in Noam Chomsky out of desperation.

  2. Rev. A Da Fino on December 9th, 2011 10:56 am

    Unfortunately, giving that undudeliness is warshing over like darkness everywhere, I think it will happen soon that, like it has already happened before, a line will have to be drawn in the sand with Dudes on one side and Nihilists at the other. They won’t stop f****ng us in our a**es, we’ll have to stop them. We with Dude’s words (F**k it!) and them with hot pepper sprays (hopefully only that, but not probably). That’s why sooner or later we’ll have to think about taking with us our bowling balls. It’s a bummer but they are really screwing people too far.

    The new Italian Prime Minister, who hasn’t been elected by free people in this (Italy) country, and who is taking a “salary” around 25.000 € found that the right way to take my poor country out of the mud was to raise taxes. A f***ing genius, just like a three yo child.

    I guess him and Gingrich are kind of compeers, am I wrong?

  3. Rob Thornton on December 9th, 2011 12:28 pm

    A nihilist rugpisser if ever there was one?AM I WRONG??

  4. The Dudespaper on December 10th, 2011 1:09 pm

    you know what’s strange? alvin toffler (the noted futurist and seemingly visionary dude) once was a big fan of newt. he thought he was a really forward-thinking fellow. wonder what he thinks of him now.

  5. The Arch Dudeship on December 11th, 2011 3:19 pm

    Newt’s a real reactionary, man…seriously…a genuine reactionary if there ever was one.

  6. Doctor Joe on January 4th, 2012 6:48 pm

    Good article, especially the videos–Nice Touch.
    Q: How do you tell when a politician is lying?
    A: When they open their mouths.
    An oldie but goodie. Even more true today than when the joke was first told.

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