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You Know, Drive Around…

Section: Keeping the Baksheesh  | Date: August 6th, 2010

dude in limo By Rev. Ryan Colt Weber

Well I’ve been out of the loop awhile my fellow Dudes. I had eye surgery and couldn’t read my damn computer. But its good to be back.  All that emotional stuff aside I have noticed one aspect of life that needs way more of the Take ‘er Easy Manifesto applied to it… and that’s driving. Since I don’t partake in the automotive pastime myself I usually get rides from various people or I just walk. When I do get a ride I see even the tamest pussycat turn into a rabies infected lion:

"Get the hell outta my way!" "Move into the other lane dammit!" "Why the hell is this person going so slow?" "Why is this jerk riding my ass?" 

dude torinoNow does any of that sound like someone who is takin’ er easy for all those sinners out there? I think not. A more interesting question is: What makes us lose our cool on the road? Is it the fast paced society we live in? Is it our inability to directly control what is happening around us? Maybe its the stress of knowing that cars kill more people every day than violence and drugs combined.  Research has shown that males are generally more aggressive on the road especially those under the age of thirty five. They say this has to do with our hormones.  Perhaps we need to spend more time with our special ladies…I mean our fuckin’ lady friends.  So the next time you get in your green and brown…uh…rust colored car consider these helpful hints to just take it easy man.

lebowski6ix1. Leave yourself plenty of time to get where you are going. If it takes thirty minutes to get somewhere and you leave thirty minutes before you are supposed to be there then every slow driver, construction barrel, and accident is going to cause you stress. I’d advise leaving an extra fifteen minutes early depending on how long your trip is and whether or not you are going to hit any rush hour.

2. Ignore other rude drivers. You can’t control what they do or say so just relax. If some other driver is being an asshole then pity them but don’t react. Sadly, not everyone is going to be laid back but don’t let others interrupt your peace of mind, on the road or otherwise.

walter-car 3. Have something in the car to relax you. Of course open containers and Js are a no no in most US states so I wouldn’t advise those. You can, however, have some Creedence or other music to listen too or download some Big Lebowski scenes on your iPod to listen to for good fun and peace of mind.

4. Check conditions for when you are going to be driving. Studies show that heat, noise, and traffic congestion are the three biggest environmental contributors to road rage. It is also said that the afternoon rush hour is by far the worst time of day to be driving around.  Now some of us had to do what our parents did and get-angry cab drivera-job-sir so we gotta get home somehow right? Well consider finding a back way home if possible.  Not only can you avoid road rage but it will be way easier to spot a Brother Shamus in a VW Beetle who may be tailing you at the behest of a farmer family in Minnesota.

5. The number one thing nearly all experts agree on is to NOT confront a hostile driver.  While this aggression will not stand you may not be standing long either if you decide to confront them. There have been stories of road rage where a lawyer and former state legislator belted a pregnant woman in the face! How messed up and verrry unDude is that? 

walter smashes carSo keep calm dudes! Relax! I mean if the Dude himself can remain calm while watching Nihilists burn his car, then is the person riding your bumper on the highway THAT big of a deal? Dudeism is meant to be applied to all aspects of life and that includes the time you spend getting from one aspect to another.

Well that about wraps her up. Westward the wagons my fellow dudes but remember not to get too uptight in your wagon lest you crash your plane into the mountain, die face down in the muck, kill that poor woman, kill your fucking car, cross the center divider in the sand, or just generally be a cleft asshole. It’s your roll, Dude. This is not ‘Nam. Take er easy. This is especially important if you happen to have an occasional acid flashback while driving around.

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11 Responses to “You Know, Drive Around…”

  1. River Godbee on August 6th, 2010 1:56 pm

    I find that good music can totally change the way I feel and thus, the way I drive. But, you know, that’s just me, man. Listening to a CD you like is better than listening to commercial filled radio, too.

    -The Dude of Savannah

  2. Rev.Wendy aka The Dude a-Rides on August 7th, 2010 6:40 am

    On my island, there is a common bumpersticker : “SLOW”. I’m guessing it refers to island life and not the intellect of the driver. There are also numerous homemade signs posted in various places advising the driver to just take ‘er easy , man. “WHY HURRY?” is one of my favourites.
    And why hurry, indeed? I remind myself why I moved here, how i enjoy the island lifestyle, and try not to be too concerned when I’m late to pick up my kid cuz i got stuck behind a convoy of fresh-off-the-ferry tourists who don’t know where they’re going and certainly don’t want to miss their destination by going the speed limit.
    Driving is relaxing. Some Creedence, a smoke, enjoying my coffee.
    Good article, and safe, relaxing roadtrips to all my fellow Dudeists!

  3. Doctor Joe on August 7th, 2010 1:02 pm

    Let those with road rage pass you by. No sense getting caught up in their web of life. Besides it brings a smile to my face when I see them pulled over on the side of the road trying to explain themselves to “Johnny Law”. Ah, the sweet smell of justice…..

  4. manny-san on August 9th, 2010 2:16 pm

    Don’t let ’em walk in your clean minds with dirty feet, Dudes. If your dudeness depends on being allowed to be dudely by people showing respect and consideration on the road, you ain’t gonna get there, hombres. Take ‘er light. Calmness in the face of agitation…now that’s Dudeism.

  5. CharlyAndy on August 10th, 2010 2:03 am

    When some nihilist cuts you off on your way to league play, it’s very un-Dude to, like, diss the guy. Think about all those drivers who honked at you. Like, what’s the big deal? So I dropped a doob in my lap! You never know. Maybe the guy is rushing his daughter with the toe injury to the hospital. Or maybe it’s Walter who’s late for bowling practice. Or maybe the guy just dropped a doob in his lap. As a wiser feller than I once said, “Fuck it, let’s go bowling.”

  6. Nazdrowie Dude on August 10th, 2010 11:52 am

    Be weary Ole Duders.

    Rudeness can easily be masked within takin er’ easy mentality and practice. There are many lanes in most cases and a presence of mind cannot be discarded in pursuit of Dudeliness. Be mindful that people around you have places to be like bowling practice or Ralphs and driving habits of their own.

    15mph is a fine speed of travel if you’re planning to roll out, double back and beat it out of them, but on the freeway there is a protocol and conduct that a Dude must abide and not force his ways upon the rest of the non-Dude world.

    As a Dude stuck in a paraquats shell, I have to commute in excess of 2hrs a day to and from work *cringe*. I’m just trying to get to where I need to be to make a decent living and get back home to my ladyfriend in a timely efficient manner so she can do some yoga and try to conceive.

    Life is finite Dudes. Time is invaluable.

  7. Laid back Dave on August 11th, 2010 10:09 am

    ditched the car, got a low rider.Traffic is less of a problem and putting down the road is very good for the soul. More planet friendly too.

  8. JustADude on August 13th, 2010 7:12 pm

    Nice article, I myself have dabbled in road rage, Not in Nam of course. Its good to be reminded to just, take it easy, man. Also, Glad to hear the surgery went well.

  9. Rev. Dudeski on October 5th, 2010 7:23 am

    I’m so glad you wrote this, I must confess I have been rather undudely while driving around in my dudemobile. Very good words and I will be applying them to my train of thought. I would also like to thank
    manny-san. His quote spoke to my inner dude:

    “Calmness in the face of agitation…now that’s Dudeism”

    Very far out words to live by.

  10. Laid back Dave on October 5th, 2010 9:43 am

    amen to that

  11. Manny-san on October 5th, 2010 1:06 pm

    Thanks, Dudes. “Illegitimi non carborundum,” eh?

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