If you’re reading this, I can probably safely assume that you love The Big Lebowski and that you take comfort in taking her easy in accordance with the Tao of the Dude. I am basically “preaching to the choir,” in the parlance of our times.
But what about all the billions of people out there who are not members of our easygoing Dudeist choir? What about the untold millions who aren’t even familiar with our creed? We’re all very fond of them, but our fondness is not the issue here! How can we best help all these bereaved saps and poor women?
A growing number within the Church believe that evangelism (etymologically derived from Koine Greek, meaning “spreading good news“) is the only way to take that hill, despite justifiable anxiety that this seemingly uptight approach would be over the line. After all, isn’t “Evangelical Dudeism” a contradiction in terms? If it’s just, like, our opinion, why the fuck would we preach it, man? This is our concern, dude.
Can we truly be evangelical without being preachy, sanctimonious, reactionary, and un-dude? Does the pope shit in the woods? Of course we can! Just because the evangelical streams of other religions lean more towards fucking fascism and going door-to-door like pederasts don’t mean that there ain’t a better way to evangelize.
What the fuck am I talking about? I’ll tell you what I’m talking about! I’m talking about promoting your worldview without being an asshole! I’m talking about some kind of western thing called “Lifestyle Evangelism.” Wave of the future, dudes. One hundred percent by example.
This unobtrusive and downright Dudeist approach to world missions was pioneered by one of the brightest lights in the Dark Ages, Saint Francis of Assisi. “Lifestyle Evangelism” can be summed up by his most famous quote, “Preach the gospel at all times and, if necessary, use words.” In other words, shut the fuck up and abide.
The thinking behind it is that if people saw how shiny and happy Christians were, they’d wanna be one too. While it’s an excellent theory, and certainly much less uptight than Evangelical Protestantism’s preferred methods of public harassment (ie; televangelism, billboards, censorship, street preaching, etc.), I personally think that it’s an approach that’s much more suited to our beautiful tradition.
If we just take it easy and casually walk our laid back walk, there won’t even be any need to talk the talk.
Of course, none of this will be news to those who read The Dudespaper compulsively and with joy, since our Editorial We-in-Chief already brought this new shit to light in his article, “Take it easy and the world takes it easy with you.”
Even though that had not occurred to us, we have already been practicing Lifestyle Evangelism just by practicing our practice of practicing as little as possible! While this may seem almost as counter-intuitive as the very notion of Evangelical Dudeism, sooner or later we’re gonna have to face the fact that we’re goddamn oxymoronic.
And please, let me assure you that Evangelical Dudeism is not a fundamentalist cult! You will not have to shun your friends and family, donate all your money, burn your albums, cut your hair or shave, swear to limit yourself to outercourse, or even watch Kirk Cameron movies! As of this moment, I am stepping out of the Evangelical Dudeist closet. But before you shun me like a The Jesus freak, or a goddamn Mormon, let me point out that; a) I’m calmer than you are, and b) my faith has yet to annoy my wife (who is not a Dudeist, nor even a fan of the sacred Film!). Pray for her, my brethren.
So, aside from doing what we were already doing (or not doing what we already weren’t, or what have you), what else can we do (or not do) to share our faith? Below are some suggestions that you can use to spread good chill towards men without having to don your gay apparel…unless you want to, and that’s cool…that’s cool.
If you have any suggestions on how to evangelize the unopiated masses, maybe you and me could pool our resources, you know? Trade information in the comments section below as a professional courtesy? Compeers, you know?
Anyways, here are a few unobtrusive methods you can try out on friends and family members:
- The Big Lebowski DVD makes a great gift, especially the new 10th Anniversary Edition. What better introduction to our ethos is there than a copy of the first cult classic of the internet age? Even if they’ve already seen it and didn’t like it, they’re much more likely to give it another chance if you’ve already gone and spent your hard earned bones or clams or whatever you call them. More than perhaps any other movie, TBL grows on viewers more and more with each viewing. Or you could put it on when friends are over. Repeatedly.
- Invite them to the nearest Lebowskifest, Dudefest, or whatever they’re calling the drunken, Big Lebowski-themed convention in your area. They’ll have so much fun that they’re sure to watch TBL more attentively the next time.
- Always accept people for who they are even if they’re very un-dude and you barely have anything in common with them. They may be assholes, friends with cleft assholes, goddamn morons, frame of referenceless, or nymphos, but as long as you just say “fuck it,” you can get past your differences, learn to appreciate their company, and gradually influence them with St Francis’ insidious method.
- Always support the creative endeavors of those within your circle of influence, no matter how bizarre. Especially if you owe them rent. I personally don’t know anyone who employs nude wire-fu in their strongly vaginal splatter painting, but you can bet your black tookus that I’d be down with watching them work if I did. Who knows? It might even lead to something natural and zesty.
- Always be slow to anger and quick to forgive your friends, even when they fuck up all your shit. Who cares if you get disqualified from the tournament, or if your car gets dinged up, or if they’re gonna kill that poor woman, or even if they accidentally transmit someone’s cremains all over you? You can’t be worrying about that shit, man! Life goes on.
- Casually partake of the Dudecharist with them. You don’t have to make a big, solemn deal out of it, just share a beverage with them and they won’t even know that they’ve just participated in a religious ritual. White Russians (refer to Duderonomy 1:1-2 for guidance) and Oat Sodas are beautifully traditional, but please feel free to substitute them for coffee or some of that good sarsaparilla if your company has health problems. Thai stick or a J make excellent appetizers, and you can finish with some good burgers.
- It can never hurt to pray for your friends. Like they say in AA, it doesn’t matter what your Higher Power is, just don’t expect to effect any lasting change by relying on your own efforts. There’s a whole shitload of deities to try out; Jebus, Xenu, the Invisible Pink Unicorn, the Flying Spagetti Monster, Our Special Lady, etc, or you could just meditate on sending positive vibes out to your unsaved friends if you’re not into the whole theistic intercessory/supplication thing. And be sure to let us know how it goes for you.
Some of you doubting Thomases may be wondering, “Is there any point in evangelizing? Is our religion really alluring and fulfilling enough to attract all the people who have been predestined, by dint of their inborn laziness, to be the Dudeists and Brethren Shami that Maude created them to be?” Of course! Who’s sitting on a better fucking religion? Am I wrong? The prescribed rituals for Dudeists are way better than any other religion’s. If you don’t believe me, just ask yourself the Arch Dudeship’s acrostic question: WWDD (What Would the Dude Do)?
The answer, of course, is Nothing. Some of the many ways to successfully do nothing are: taking it easy, having a beverage, going bowling, going surfing, doing a J or some tai chi, jerking off manually, driving around, lighting some scented candles or incense, doing some aquatic zazen in an amphibious rodent-free baptismal tub whilst listening to a cassette tape of any nature sounds, sporting tournaments, or the tuneage of your choice, etc.
What kind of goddamn moron wouldn’t want to abide by an ethos like that?