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Evangelical Dudeism

Section: Sermons From the Sofa  | Date: January 30th, 2009

evangelist by Rev. Bradley Ducak

If you’re reading this, I can probably safely assume that you love The Big Lebowski and that you take comfort in taking her easy in accordance with the Tao of the Dude. I am basically "preaching to the choir," in the parlance of our times.

But what about all the billions of people out there who are not members of our easygoing Dudeist choir? What about the untold millions who aren’t even familiar with our creed? We’re all very fond of them, but our fondness is not the issue here! How can we best help all these bereaved saps and poor women?

A growing number within the Church believe that evangelism (etymologically derived from Koine Greek, meaning "spreading good news") is the only way to take that hill, despite justifiable anxiety that this seemingly uptight approach would be over the line. After all, isn’t "Evangelical Dudeism" a contradiction in terms? If it’s just, like, our opinion, why the fuck would we preach it, man? This is our concern, dude.

missionary dudeCan we truly be evangelical without being preachy, sanctimonious, reactionary, and un-dude? Does the pope shit in the woods? Of course we can! Just because the evangelical streams of other religions lean more towards fucking fascism and going door-to-door like pederasts don’t mean that there ain’t a better way to evangelize.

What the fuck am I talking about? I’ll tell you what I’m talking about! I’m talking about promoting your worldview without being an asshole! I’m talking about some kind of western thing called "Lifestyle Evangelism." Wave of the future, dudes. One hundred percent by example.

This unobtrusive and downright Dudeist approach to world missions was pioneered by one of the brightest lights in the Dark Ages, Saint Francis of Assisi. "Lifestyle Evangelism" can be summed up by his most famous quote, "Preach the gospel at all times and, if necessary, use words." In other words, shut the fuck up and abide.

The thinking behind it is that if people saw how shiny and happy Christians were, they’d wanna be one too. While it’s an excellent theory, and certainly much less uptight than Evangelical Protestantism’s preferred methods of public harassment (ie; televangelism, billboards, censorship, street preaching, etc.), I personally think that it’s an approach that’s much more suited to our beautiful tradition.

If we just take it easy and casually walk our laid back walk, there won’t even be any need to talk the talk.

Of course, none of this will be news to those who read The Dudespaper compulsively and with joy, since our Editorial We-in-Chief already brought this new shit to light in his article, "Take it easy and the world takes it easy with you."

Even though that had not occurred to us, we have already been practicing Lifestyle Evangelism just by practicing our practice of practicing as little as possible! While this may seem almost as counter-intuitive as the very notion of Evangelical Dudeism, sooner or later we’re gonna have to face the fact that we’re goddamn oxymoronic.

mormons on the moonAnd please, let me assure you that Evangelical Dudeism is not a fundamentalist cult! You will not have to shun your friends and family, donate all your money, burn your albums, cut your hair or shave, swear to limit yourself to outercourse, or even watch Kirk Cameron movies! As of this moment, I am stepping out of the Evangelical Dudeist closet. But before you shun me like a The Jesus freak, or a goddamn Mormon, let me point out that; a) I’m calmer than you are, and b) my faith has yet to annoy my wife (who is not a Dudeist, nor even a fan of the sacred Film!). Pray for her, my brethren.

dog angelSo, aside from doing what we were already doing (or not doing what we already weren’t, or what have you), what else can we do (or not do) to share our faith? Below are some suggestions that you can use to spread good chill towards men without having to don your gay apparel…unless you want to, and that’s cool…that’s cool.

If you have any suggestions on how to evangelize the unopiated masses, maybe you and me could pool our resources, you know? Trade information in the comments section below as a professional courtesy? Compeers, you know?

Anyways, here are a few unobtrusive methods you can try out on friends and family members:

  • lebowski dvd The Big Lebowski DVD makes a great gift, especially the new 10th Anniversary Edition. What better introduction to our ethos is there than a copy of the first cult classic of the internet age? Even if they’ve already seen it and didn’t like it, they’re much more likely to give it another chance if you’ve already gone and spent your hard earned bones or clams or whatever you call them. More than perhaps any other movie, TBL grows on viewers more and more with each viewing. Or you could put it on when friends are over. Repeatedly.
  • Invite them to the nearest Lebowskifest, Dudefest, or whatever they’re calling the drunken, Big Lebowski-themed convention in your area. They’ll have so much fun that they’re sure to watch TBL more attentively the next time.
  • obey_lebowskifest Always accept people for who they are even if they’re very un-dude and you barely have anything in common with them. They may be assholes, friends with cleft assholes, goddamn morons, frame of referenceless, or nymphos, but as long as you just say "fuck it," you can get past your differences, learn to appreciate their company, and gradually influence them with St Francis’ insidious method.
  • Always support the creative endeavors of those within your circle of influence, no matter how bizarre. Especially if you owe them rent. I personally don’t know anyone who employs nude wire-fu in their strongly vaginal splatter painting, but you can bet your black tookus that I’d be down with watching them work if I did. Who knows? It might even lead to something natural and zesty.
  • Always be slow to anger and quick to forgive your friends, even when they fuck up all your shit. Who cares if you get disqualified from the tournament, or if your car gets dinged up, or if they’re gonna kill that poor woman, or even if they accidentally transmit someone’s cremains all over you? You can’t be worrying about that shit, man! Life goes on.
  • white russian Casually partake of the Dudecharist with them. You don’t have to make a big, solemn deal out of it, just share a beverage with them and they won’t even know that they’ve just participated in a religious ritual. White Russians (refer to Duderonomy 1:1-2 for guidance) and Oat Sodas are beautifully traditional, but please feel free to substitute them for coffee or some of that good sarsaparilla if your company has health problems. Thai stick or a J make excellent appetizers, and you can finish with some good burgers.
  • It can never hurt to pray for your friends. Like they say in AA, it doesn’t matter what your Higher Power is, just don’t expect to effect any lasting change by relying on your own efforts. There’s a whole shitload of deities to try out; Jebus, Xenu, the Invisible Pink Unicorn, the Flying Spagetti Monster, Our Special Lady, etc, or you could just meditate on sending positive vibes out to your unsaved friends if you’re not into the whole theistic intercessory/supplication thing. And be sure to let us know how it goes for you.

 

dudwaineSome of you doubting Thomases may be wondering, "Is there any point in evangelizing? Is our religion really alluring and fulfilling enough to attract all the people who have been predestined, by dint of their inborn laziness, to be the Dudeists and Brethren Shami that Maude created them to be?" Of course! Who’s sitting on a better fucking religion? Am I wrong? The prescribed rituals for Dudeists are way better than any other religion’s. If you don’t believe me, just ask yourself the Arch Dudeship’s acrostic question: WWDD (What Would the Dude Do)?

The answer, of course, is Nothing. Some of the many ways to successfully do nothing are: taking it easy, having a beverage, going bowling, going surfing, doing a J or some tai chi, jerking off manually, driving around, lighting some scented candles or incense, doing some aquatic zazen in an amphibious rodent-free baptismal tub whilst listening to a cassette tape of any nature sounds, sporting tournaments, or the tuneage of your what would dude dochoice, etc.

What kind of goddamn moron wouldn’t want to abide by an ethos like that?


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25 Responses to “Evangelical Dudeism”

  1. The Arch Dudeship on January 30th, 2009 12:23 pm

    Way to go, Bradley!

    I dig the whole St. Francis of Assisi thing, man. There’s a dudeish story about him that says he asked one of the Brothers to go with him in to the village to preach. Arm in arm they walked down the hill, rejoicing in the spring sunlight and talking of the love of God, happy in their fellowship.

    When they got to town, they returned without stopping to preach. The Brother asked Francis why they didn’t stop to preach and Francis said: “We have preached. We have been happy in the love of God and the glory of His sunlight–that is our sermon for the day.”

    Far out, man.

    BTW, who’s the guy with the cleft asshole at the bottom of the article? :-)

  2. The Dudely Lama on January 30th, 2009 12:38 pm

    that’s the golden arch!

    nice addendum, A-D. and stellar work, brodley. you guys are really wrappin er up.

    if only there were a pulitzer prize for blogs.

  3. The Arch Dudeship on January 30th, 2009 2:27 pm

    The fella who drew that goes by the name of Dave Morrell: http://www.davedrawsitall.com/

  4. Swedish Jeff on January 30th, 2009 7:52 pm

    man, i never seen it that way before! GENIUS! i love the idea of preaching without having to speak! good work Bradley.

  5. Irish Monk on January 30th, 2009 8:58 pm

    Mercy buckets (that’s French Canadian for “thanks”) for the kind words, brothers.
    Now go forth and passive-aggressively convert some zesty feminists. This place is a maudedamn sausage party

  6. The Arch Dudeship on January 30th, 2009 9:26 pm

    You mean, vagina?

  7. Irish Monk on January 30th, 2009 9:49 pm

    Don’t bat your eye at me, Archie

  8. Dude1967 on January 31st, 2009 2:58 am

    Great article! I’ve also found that by wearing my dudefish t-shirt, people will come up to me and talk. If they’ve seen TBL they may know a little about Dudeism; if they haven’t seen TBL, they may ask what Dudeism is, which gives me an opportunity to talk about both The Movie, and the religion. If they are receptive, Far Out! If not, fuck it, I can’t be worrying about that shit. No matter what, I just try to Abide. Am I wrong?

  9. Irish Monk on January 31st, 2009 6:02 am

    No, you’re not wrong, 67Dude, you’re not even an asshole. Good suggestion! Make the undude come to us and ask to be proselytized. Fuckin’A, man! Very devious.
    You are truly a fisher of dudes and an inspiration to us all.

  10. Pope Dude the First on February 4th, 2009 4:48 am

    This is freakin’ inspired!

  11. naturedude on February 13th, 2009 4:59 pm

    Kick ass article, man. Nice reference to the flying spaghetti monster, I was a Pastafarian for a bit before I found Dudeism – being part of a religion based on protest is way to uptight though (still made me laugh to beat the band)- can’t be worried about that fundamentalist shit man, life goes on.
    I want a WWDD bumper sticker!

  12. veryfragile on July 17th, 2009 9:35 pm

    I’m a current seminary student and I concurr that this is all in accordance with J.C.’s non-uptight strategy of evangelism from Mat.10:11-14 (paraphrase included)

    “And whatever town or village you enter, find out who is worthy in it and stay there until you depart.”

    When you’re in a new town look for your fellow dude and abide with them.

    “As you enter the house, greet it.
    And if the house is worthy, let your peace come upon it, but if it is not worthy, let your peace return to you.”

    When you enter a private residences offer to adide with them, if they offer you a beverage that’s cool but if they throw a coffee cup at your head this a sure sign that your dealing with an uptight, cleft asshole and your gonna want to call a cab.

    “And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town.”

    If you honestly were not trying to scam anyone, you have my permission to say, “fuck it” and walk away (you can also take one of their rugs with you).

  13. Irish Monk on July 18th, 2009 9:02 pm

    It’s good to see that there are some dudeist christians out there! Thanks for the scriptural proof texts, dude. JC was (/is, if you’re into the whole literalism thing) the king of kings and dude of dudes…glory hallelujah, fuckin’a,man.
    Too bad the Dude never sent 70 of his disciples out traveling with superpowers! We dudeist priests don’t get into many situations nowadays that call for a good dusty foot shaking.
    What denomination are you, if you don’t mind me asking? I’m a baptist apostate, myself

  14. Whiteheart on August 27th, 2009 10:34 pm

    what’s wrong with Kirk Cameron movies dude?

  15. Irish Monk on August 28th, 2009 1:18 pm

    I’m sure that Kirk Cameron is a very nice guy, but, unfortunately he’s also a real reactionary, uptight moron. He’s a co-host on a christian radio show called “The Way of the Master”, and only stars in movies that share his ultra-conservative fundamentalist doomsday-eschatology.
    There are some hilarious Youtube clips of him and his radio co-host getting completely assraped every time they agree to a public debate with atheists and agnostics.

  16. Rev Wendy on August 28th, 2009 9:10 pm

    i used to kiss my poster of him when i was 12.

    too bad he’s a churchie now. my other poster-kissee was Corey Haim, who ended up a crackhead living down the hall from a friend of a friend. now he looks like a troll and whatever happened to his “comeback” The Two Coreys?

    don’t mind me…i’m like a child that wanders into a movie…

  17. meekon5 on September 16th, 2009 5:49 am

    I’m sorry but surely evangelism is diametrically apposed to the way of the Dude? Seems like too much uptight thinking for me.

    As a cleverer man than me once said.

    “A Dude fills his house with oat soda and burgers from In-N-Out. He sits out front with the door open. If a reactionary, or a nihilist should walk past and not notice, what the fuck, he doesn’t bother them. But should a stranger pass and notice, and approach the Dude, he invites him in for a beverage.”

    That for me is the way of the Dude, that is how Dudeism should be transmitted. Not shouted from roof tops and evangelised. Too much unchecked aggression.

  18. veryfragile on September 16th, 2009 7:07 am

    meekon5, were you listening to the Rev. Dude’s story? What Rev. Dude is talking about is identical to the zesty dude ethos that you so poetically described above. I suspect that the problem you may be having is with the nomenclature,”evangelism”. I share your frustration – those cleft assholes have clearly ruined a wonderful idea “evanglism” (sharing “good stuff with your fellow dude) for the rest of us. Yet, in spite of all the aggressive and uptight thinking out there, we do well to remember the words of John Lennon, “If you will it it’s not a dream.”

  19. Irish Monk on September 16th, 2009 7:44 am

    V.I. Lenin! Vladimir Ilich Ulyanov!

    And meekon5, you’re right. Evangelism is diametrically opposed to the Way of the Dude, as I wrote. But Lifestyle Evangelism is the most Dudeist thing since sliced bread. Did you stop to do a J after the first couple paragraphs and then forgot to read the sermon before posting? You’re like a child that wanders into the middle of a movie

  20. meekon5 on September 16th, 2009 8:14 am

    veryfragile I think you may have it right.

    Irish Monk you are right also as I did feel like a child that wanders into the middle of a movie. I think I’m where I should be, I resonate sympathetically with the Tao Dude Ching, it actually ties the room together for me, I get ordained, I even go home and put the holy DVD on, then I find this.

    It’s my confusion of the nomenclature as veryfragile so nicely put it, you are actually describing what I put in my post. Lost the plot there. Obviously the unchecked aggression is mine.

    As for the J. No need I think I did so much when I was younger the flashbacks are for free now.

  21. Irish Monk on September 16th, 2009 3:27 pm

    Fuck it! You can’t be worrying about that shit, man. Life goes on
    I like your blog’s style, dude! Got a whole sci-fi thing goin’ on

  22. meekon5 on September 17th, 2009 3:20 am

    Irish, no worries, I’m not the type brood. I’ll have a bru and a J and everything will be fine.

    Thanks (about the blog) I’m writting a book (very, very, slowly) and publish bits so friends can see and help with comments.

  23. The Mad Wombat on December 19th, 2009 2:18 am

    Thanks for the article. I was wondering where we stood on spreading the word. I’ve been thinking of instituting a Dudeist temple. Essentially an apartment with a big screen and plenty of couch space. A place for local dudeists to, y’know, come and chill out when the fascists and cleft assholes get to their heads. Maybe schedule a sermon every now and then to make known and discuss Dudeist (or any others that jive with our way of thinking)philosophy, our thoughts on death, applied Dudeism, etc.! Whaddya think?

  24. dudeski on December 22nd, 2009 1:05 pm

    Far out man, far fucking out! I have found home! Fuckin A

  25. Arch Dude Of York on December 6th, 2010 4:32 am

    It’s taken me like nearly two years to find this article but as Dudeski so adequately puts it: “Far out man, far fucking out!”

    I have the Dudefish and my ordination patch on nearly every t-shirt and sweater I have and it does invite conversation. It gets a very mixed reaction. Some love it which is cool man and some don’t but hey that’s just like their opinion man.

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